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If
you die without a
Will, the State will
draft one for you.
Do
you really want a Will
that reads like this?
Last
Will and Testament
of
Penny
Wise & Dollar
Foolish
I
Penny Wise &
Dollar Foolish of
Chicago, Illinois,
accept this free
Will from the State
of Illinois, and
hereby publish and
declare this to be
my last will and
testament.
Article I
I
give my wife one
half of my assets
and I give my
children the other
half.
I
appoint my wife as
guardian of my
children, but
because I don’t
trust her and
regardless of the
costs and hassles
involved, I require
that she report to
the probate court
each year and supply
the judge with an
accounting of how,
why, and where she
spent the money
necessary for the
proper care of our
children.
Furthermore,
my wife shall give
the probate court a
performance bond to
guarantee that she
exercises proper
judgment in
handling, spending,
and investing our
children’s money.
Finally,
my children shall
have the right to
demand and receive a
complete accounting
from their mother of
the way she handled
their financial
affairs as soon as they reach legal
age.
No
matter how immature
and frivolous with
regards to spending
money my children
may be, when my
children reach
eighteen years of
age, they shall have
the right to
withdraw and spend
their shares of my
estate. Neither
their mother or
anyone else shall
have the right to
question my children
when and in what
manner they decide
to waste their
respective shares of
my estate.
Article
II
Should
my wife remarry, and
also die without a
will, her second
husband shall be
entitled to one half
of everything my
wife now owns, including
my share of our
estate.
Should
my children need
some of this money
for their support,
my wife's second
husband shall not be
bound to spend any
part of his share on
my children.
My
wife's second
husband shall have
the sole right to
decide who gets his
share, even to the
exclusion of my
children.
Article
III
Should
my wife predecease
me or die while any
of my children are
minors, I give up my
right to nominate
the guardian for my
children. Instead, I
direct my relatives
and friends to fight
over who shall be
the guardian of our
children.
In
the event they fail
to agree on a guardian, I direct
the probate court to
make the selection
for me. If the court
wishes, it may
appoint a complete
stranger.
Article
IV
Under
existing tax laws
there are certain
legitimate ways to lower
my death taxes.
However, I prefer
that Uncle Sam gets
my money instead of
my wife and
children. Therefore,
I direct that no
effort be made to
lower my death
taxes.
Signed
Penny Wise &
Dollar Foolish
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